How can you mend a broken heart? If any of you have the answer please chime in.......a dear friend of mine has a daughter who has recently dealt with a potential job loss and now a wedding has been called off. On top of that he is quite the a**hole and was horrible to her in the end. So as I was chatting with my friend I started to think....how do you mend a broken heart? Are there specific steps that one could take? Is it something that is personal and different for everyone?
I wonder because this friend said to me that my advice was better than anyones. I did not offer what I considered to be advice at all. I shared my personal experience in recently dealing with a broken heart and an a**hole but did not think I was telling her what her daughter should do. I don't know what her daughter should do. I do know with anyone whose heart is broken you should set some firm boundaries and hold them. No matter how enticing weakening them might seem. The brief reprise from the pain will only serve to make the pain that much worse when it returns. And, it will return. So, what do you do? A very wise Dr. that I once worked for said that sleep is important. If you can sleep, you can get through anything, he said and at the time it made sense. Sleep it off like a drunken Saturday night. :) Some say forget about him....is that good advice? Shouldn't you want to remember so you don't repeat those same mistakes? I can honestly say that over the years I have adopted the forget about it attitude only to find myself right back in the same position with a different person.
Broken hearts suck but they are not permanent. I have recently begun to really believe this and I hope with all that is in me that it turns out to be true because they do suck. But however temporary they may be they are so incredibly painful that the desire to get relief from the pain even for a moment can be so great that we jump right back into a situation that will only end in another heartbreak. I am committed to not doing that again. But I would love to hear any thoughts that you would care to share on this topic. I should also go ahead and put in a quick plug for my fabulous therapist who has taught me so much in such a short period of time Ms. Alexandra "Ola" Stasiak-Brough. I must ask her where "Ola" came from. Sorry, that was me chasing shiny objects. Anyway, she is good so if you need a good therapist call her 404-771-1649. Be sure to mention me in case she ever decides to give away prizes for referrals. :) And do share your thoughts. Blogs are not fun if no one responds.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Monday, April 25, 2011
When is it appropriate to apologize via email?
Over the last few weeks I have thought a lot about the words I am sorry. I don't know about you all but I say the words I am sorry a lot. If someone is having a bad day, someone dies, loses a pet, any number of reasons will spark an I am sorry from me but am I really sorry. Most of the time what I really mean is I hate that ___________ is happening to the person. Sometimes, I mean, I know how bad that hurts and others I mean absolutely nothing other than it is a polite thing to say when in truth I really do not care at all. Saying I am sorry literally means that the I has some ownership in the event that has occurred. Am I really sorry that a loved one has died, not unless I was somehow responsible for the death. Anyway, this thought brought me around to when are we really sorry and how should one apologize?
Technology is good thing in the world we live in but it is also a curse. People are immediately accessible via email and cell phones. Facebook puts us in touch with hundreds of folks we would not have access to without technology. Is it ever okay to apologize via email? By this I mean a real apology, not merely a substitue for hating something they are going through, a real heartfelt apology where you take ownership of the wrong you have done or the pain you have caused. I recently received what is supposed to be a sincere apology via email though the words I am sorry were absent....and there was a lot of explanation why the event happened to begin with and lot of talk about guilt. I am perplexed by this for some reason now. It has never occurred to me to question the method in which the apology was delivered. I write about this now because I am keenly aware that the manner in which the email is read will play a significant role in whether the apology or resemblance of an apology is accepted.
It also brings up, for me anyway, the question of questions. What if there are parts of the email apology that are unclear to the reader? Is it appropriate to call or email a response inquiring for more clarification or does proper ettiquette say that we should merely accept the apology and forget about it? This also brings up for me the question of is it ever appropriate not to accept an apology and what would it look like if one refused to accept an apology? The three words I am sorry are powerful and loaded with a lot emotion or they are void of any kind of meaning whatsoever and encompass a lot of gray area in between. So, I ask you to share your thoughts, if you have them on apologies. I would love to hear from you.
Technology is good thing in the world we live in but it is also a curse. People are immediately accessible via email and cell phones. Facebook puts us in touch with hundreds of folks we would not have access to without technology. Is it ever okay to apologize via email? By this I mean a real apology, not merely a substitue for hating something they are going through, a real heartfelt apology where you take ownership of the wrong you have done or the pain you have caused. I recently received what is supposed to be a sincere apology via email though the words I am sorry were absent....and there was a lot of explanation why the event happened to begin with and lot of talk about guilt. I am perplexed by this for some reason now. It has never occurred to me to question the method in which the apology was delivered. I write about this now because I am keenly aware that the manner in which the email is read will play a significant role in whether the apology or resemblance of an apology is accepted.
It also brings up, for me anyway, the question of questions. What if there are parts of the email apology that are unclear to the reader? Is it appropriate to call or email a response inquiring for more clarification or does proper ettiquette say that we should merely accept the apology and forget about it? This also brings up for me the question of is it ever appropriate not to accept an apology and what would it look like if one refused to accept an apology? The three words I am sorry are powerful and loaded with a lot emotion or they are void of any kind of meaning whatsoever and encompass a lot of gray area in between. So, I ask you to share your thoughts, if you have them on apologies. I would love to hear from you.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
When the world gets in my face, I say Have a Nice Day but is that enough?
I am so fortunate to be attending the Bon Jovi concert with Beth Greene, a teacher at school and one I do hope will become a dear friend. I was listening to some music tonight with the kids while Chloe was practicing soccer and Noah;s favorite song in Bon Jove Have A Nice Day. The premise of the song is when the world is mean and nasty how do you react. The idea in the song is you say Have A Nice Day but is this really enough? It struck me that sometimes it is simply not enough to say have a nice day.
Over the weekend, I had the misfortune of being on the receiving end of what I would call an undeserved tyrade. I was truly trying to be kind and ignore the injustice that had been done to me in favor of being understanding and supportive of a dear friend who is going through serious difficulties right now. It did not turn out well for me. Should I have adopted another attitude different from Have a Nice Day? Certainly an apology is warrante d but is it ok to just say Have a Nice Day and forget about the injustice? Am I really doing society any good by maintaining a positive attitude in the face of serious hurt and pain?
I am most fortunate to have a student for most of the school day, homeroom, 1st period, 7th period and the dreaded second bus load who seriously tries my patience. The negativity this student exhibits is toxic and she is most disrespectful to boot. I attempted today, to talk with her about choices explaining that sometimes we have to choose between good choices and better choices. I encouraged this student to stay in her classrooms today as much as possible, only going to the restroom when it is absolutely necessary rather than using her pass which allows students three visits per day. The drama in middle school is like a powerful magnet to this particular child. Some of it is the student's own doing but a lot is not. The idea was to limit the possibilities of being exposed to it by staying put. Well, the student proceeded to yell at me and adult and tell me that I was getting on her nerves anyway.
Long story short, I had reached by limit. The reaction was the last straw. No longer am I going to ignore the rolling of eyes and the hand in the face gesture or the rude and disrespectful comments. Furthermore, I notified my principal and assistant principal of the same after rudely telling the student to get out of my room and take the nasty attitude with you. So listening to the song tonight made me think that in this generation there is far too much entitlement. Is this a result of us simply ignoring poor and unacceptable behaviors by saying have a nice day? I have not come to a clear answer on that question yet so I ask you....when the world gets in your face do you say Have A Nice Day? If so is that enough? If not then, what do you say?
Over the weekend, I had the misfortune of being on the receiving end of what I would call an undeserved tyrade. I was truly trying to be kind and ignore the injustice that had been done to me in favor of being understanding and supportive of a dear friend who is going through serious difficulties right now. It did not turn out well for me. Should I have adopted another attitude different from Have a Nice Day? Certainly an apology is warrante d but is it ok to just say Have a Nice Day and forget about the injustice? Am I really doing society any good by maintaining a positive attitude in the face of serious hurt and pain?
I am most fortunate to have a student for most of the school day, homeroom, 1st period, 7th period and the dreaded second bus load who seriously tries my patience. The negativity this student exhibits is toxic and she is most disrespectful to boot. I attempted today, to talk with her about choices explaining that sometimes we have to choose between good choices and better choices. I encouraged this student to stay in her classrooms today as much as possible, only going to the restroom when it is absolutely necessary rather than using her pass which allows students three visits per day. The drama in middle school is like a powerful magnet to this particular child. Some of it is the student's own doing but a lot is not. The idea was to limit the possibilities of being exposed to it by staying put. Well, the student proceeded to yell at me and adult and tell me that I was getting on her nerves anyway.
Long story short, I had reached by limit. The reaction was the last straw. No longer am I going to ignore the rolling of eyes and the hand in the face gesture or the rude and disrespectful comments. Furthermore, I notified my principal and assistant principal of the same after rudely telling the student to get out of my room and take the nasty attitude with you. So listening to the song tonight made me think that in this generation there is far too much entitlement. Is this a result of us simply ignoring poor and unacceptable behaviors by saying have a nice day? I have not come to a clear answer on that question yet so I ask you....when the world gets in your face do you say Have A Nice Day? If so is that enough? If not then, what do you say?
Monday, April 18, 2011
How we see ourselves......
How do you see yourself? I have not really thought about this subject much but today it is at the forefront of my mind. I have a friend, Mo, who introduced me to Reiki, meditation and yoga. Reiki a eastern art of balancing the chakras in your body. Chakras come from ancient Hindu text and there are 6: Crown, Brow, throat, heart, sacral and root. They all represent different things and when they are out of balance our bodies feel out of sorts for lack of a better description.
Anyway, I am committed to a new and healthy lifestyle which includes physical, mental and emotional health. This new lifestyle includes a rejection of a lot of western practices. The first of which was anti-depressants. So I have been going regularly for therapy and Reiki sessions. Today, I was introduced to a new Reiki Master and I was quite apprehensive and not feeling like it was going to do a whole lot of good but I meditated this morning and made a conscious effort all day to stay open to the experience.
In talking prior to the session, Gail shared that she had done an energy reading on me based on some of the information that I gave her. She said that I had leadership qualities and a maturity that was yet to be realized. She also said that I was destined for greatness if I was willing to accept it. This really surprised me. Destined for greatness really? Me? I think not, I said to myself. But I continued to listen. She shared a lot of things about me that were true and things that were deeply rooted and hidden from the rest of the world. Psychic your thinking, right? I don't think so but very in tune. The things she shared were not things that she could have Googled my name to find out and they were things that Mo does not know so could not have been shared in that manner either. So, I was totally intrigued at this point.
This got me to thinking about how we see ourselves. Do we each see ourselves as people who are capable of greatness? Are we willing to consider that there could be wonderful things in our future and our we willing to accept them? How does one achieve greatness? I don't have the answers but I do believe that we all have the power to do great things and be great people but we have to believe it ourselves.
I love the Black-Eyed Peas. There is nothing that I would rather listen to than this group. On the new album, there is a bonus track called Own It. It has become my new theme song. It begins with
"All my dreamers, all my believers, tomorrow leaders, this your chance. Everybody is a star; it don't matter who you are. Keep on reaching for the stars cause it ain't crazy as it seems. This is your chance to own it, this is your chance, you moment, this your chance don't blow it." (Will I. Am, 2010) I don't know about you guys but I do not want to blow it.
For the information on Reiki, meditation, yoga, and/or a great therapist see below.
Maureen "Mo" Dwyer www.innerpeacemeditationandyoga.com
Alexandra "Ola" Stasiak-Brough Imago Therapy, specializing in couples but great with individuals 404-771-1649
Gail Tibbits 770-599-0300 Certified Natural Health Professional
Tell them I sent you so maybe I can get some discounted services. This getting healthy is getting expensive.
For those of you who think I am crazy, well, I am but a good crazy. You should consider joining me.
Peace, Renea
Anyway, I am committed to a new and healthy lifestyle which includes physical, mental and emotional health. This new lifestyle includes a rejection of a lot of western practices. The first of which was anti-depressants. So I have been going regularly for therapy and Reiki sessions. Today, I was introduced to a new Reiki Master and I was quite apprehensive and not feeling like it was going to do a whole lot of good but I meditated this morning and made a conscious effort all day to stay open to the experience.
In talking prior to the session, Gail shared that she had done an energy reading on me based on some of the information that I gave her. She said that I had leadership qualities and a maturity that was yet to be realized. She also said that I was destined for greatness if I was willing to accept it. This really surprised me. Destined for greatness really? Me? I think not, I said to myself. But I continued to listen. She shared a lot of things about me that were true and things that were deeply rooted and hidden from the rest of the world. Psychic your thinking, right? I don't think so but very in tune. The things she shared were not things that she could have Googled my name to find out and they were things that Mo does not know so could not have been shared in that manner either. So, I was totally intrigued at this point.
This got me to thinking about how we see ourselves. Do we each see ourselves as people who are capable of greatness? Are we willing to consider that there could be wonderful things in our future and our we willing to accept them? How does one achieve greatness? I don't have the answers but I do believe that we all have the power to do great things and be great people but we have to believe it ourselves.
I love the Black-Eyed Peas. There is nothing that I would rather listen to than this group. On the new album, there is a bonus track called Own It. It has become my new theme song. It begins with
"All my dreamers, all my believers, tomorrow leaders, this your chance. Everybody is a star; it don't matter who you are. Keep on reaching for the stars cause it ain't crazy as it seems. This is your chance to own it, this is your chance, you moment, this your chance don't blow it." (Will I. Am, 2010) I don't know about you guys but I do not want to blow it.
For the information on Reiki, meditation, yoga, and/or a great therapist see below.
Maureen "Mo" Dwyer www.innerpeacemeditationandyoga.com
Alexandra "Ola" Stasiak-Brough Imago Therapy, specializing in couples but great with individuals 404-771-1649
Gail Tibbits 770-599-0300 Certified Natural Health Professional
Tell them I sent you so maybe I can get some discounted services. This getting healthy is getting expensive.
For those of you who think I am crazy, well, I am but a good crazy. You should consider joining me.
Peace, Renea
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Sunday-the official start to a new week.
It has been a while since I updated this blog. There has been a great deal going on so I apologize to thosewayho I know follow it religiously. (HAHAHA) It struck me that Sunday is the official start to a new week. I am so thankful in many ways that a new week has begun. The last few months have brought about significant change in my life. A great deal of change that has been good but also extremely painful. Change is never easy even if it is for the best. So I was contemplating in my meditation time today about new beginnings. This past week has brought about much joy and excitement and it has brought significant pain and sadness. Through it all, I can honestly say that I am grateful for each and every moment.
Friday, I was chatting with my co-teacher, who has turned out to be a dear friend, and in walks our principal, Dr. Nancy Cook. She is a dear sweet woman who is always so encouraging and positive but she is never the less our boss. We were working on a seperated at birth presentation we are putting together for our kids 5th period. The kids were working in groups on CRCT review. Dr. Cook approached me and asked how I felt about the upcoming test and we chatted briefly about this. She then looked at me and said, "I am so proud of you and how well you have handled making this change in what has to be a most difficult time in your life. You have handled it with such poise and grace." Well, I of course, was shocked. When she left, I began to realize how wonderful it was to hear those six words, I am so proud of you. I was moved to tears and still am when I think about it. To add to this, I was recognized by one of my students, as her favorite teacher. She wrote a letter and submitted it to the Barnes and Noble contest. I am truly honored that a student thinks that highly of me. She even committed on how much she loves my nails. I was motivated to go today and have my nails done again. I had quit going for a while deciding it was just not a necessary expense. And lastly to add to the joy of this past week, my therapist, Ola, who I have come to admire, respect and love dearly, came to B & N just to read the letter written about me. I was truly grateful and honored that she took the time out of her day to attend purely to support me.
Now, there is a down side to the past week. I have come to realize that when we love people we have to let them go. I had high hopes of continuing a friendship with one that I do love dearly but it appears as though at this time anyway, my friend is not ready to resume our relationship. I am deeply saddened and will miss her so very much but I have faith that things happen for a reason and I believe that it will turn out as it should for us both.
How many tears I have shed this weekend. Tears of joy and sorrow and I am truly grateful for everyone.
Friday, I was chatting with my co-teacher, who has turned out to be a dear friend, and in walks our principal, Dr. Nancy Cook. She is a dear sweet woman who is always so encouraging and positive but she is never the less our boss. We were working on a seperated at birth presentation we are putting together for our kids 5th period. The kids were working in groups on CRCT review. Dr. Cook approached me and asked how I felt about the upcoming test and we chatted briefly about this. She then looked at me and said, "I am so proud of you and how well you have handled making this change in what has to be a most difficult time in your life. You have handled it with such poise and grace." Well, I of course, was shocked. When she left, I began to realize how wonderful it was to hear those six words, I am so proud of you. I was moved to tears and still am when I think about it. To add to this, I was recognized by one of my students, as her favorite teacher. She wrote a letter and submitted it to the Barnes and Noble contest. I am truly honored that a student thinks that highly of me. She even committed on how much she loves my nails. I was motivated to go today and have my nails done again. I had quit going for a while deciding it was just not a necessary expense. And lastly to add to the joy of this past week, my therapist, Ola, who I have come to admire, respect and love dearly, came to B & N just to read the letter written about me. I was truly grateful and honored that she took the time out of her day to attend purely to support me.
Now, there is a down side to the past week. I have come to realize that when we love people we have to let them go. I had high hopes of continuing a friendship with one that I do love dearly but it appears as though at this time anyway, my friend is not ready to resume our relationship. I am deeply saddened and will miss her so very much but I have faith that things happen for a reason and I believe that it will turn out as it should for us both.
How many tears I have shed this weekend. Tears of joy and sorrow and I am truly grateful for everyone.
Friday, April 8, 2011
Spring Break
Well, it has been quite the Spring Break. I hate to see it end. We took a road trip with the Tutterow clan to Sevierville, TN. Julie and I told the kids that we took a wrong turn and were in Texas to which Chloe asks," What ville are we going to?" I answered Sevierville not thinking that she was pay attention but she was. Quickly she realized that we were not in Texas and we were finally there. It was a lot of fun but boy am I tired. Not only did we visit TN's indoor waterpark but we also went to Wonder Works which Abby keeps calling Dollywood. We played Lazer Tag and Mama took no prisoners. Yes, that is correct, I won not only for our little foursome but the entire group of 15 playing that round. Do not mess with me and a lazer gun..
We came back on Thursday and we picked up the newest addition to our family. He is a huge Mancoon kitty named Behr. He is absolutely beautiful and so sweet. I know the last thing I needed was something else to feed but he drinks water from the faucet like Woody used to do. For those of you who do not know Woody, he was my cat. He died about three years ago and if he had live another month he would have been 21. He was my dearest friend in the world. He had been with me through more than anybody in this world. I miss him so much. So when Leslie at work told me Behr likes to sleep in the sink and drink out of the faucet and loved to snuggle, I could not say NO. To be such a manly cat, he has the sweetest little meow. I am so looking forward to hanging with Behr.
On a more serious note, I am furious with, I hope soon to be exhusband. I won't bore you with the details but he is just being vindictive and spiteful which is interesting because he is the one who asked for the divorce. What is there to be vindictive about? he got what he asked for. Well, I guess that is not fair to say, he got rid of me but he still has to take care of kids in the form of child support. Apparently, that was not part of the plan. Oh well, this too shall pass at least I don't have to live with the meaness anymore.
So overall, Spring Break has been a blast. We will cap off the week with a soccer game tomorrow, dinner with Granny Ann, and I am going to buy some honey from the Edwards on Sunday at Ashley Park. I cannot wait to see Jeanie and Jerry. It has been too long.
We came back on Thursday and we picked up the newest addition to our family. He is a huge Mancoon kitty named Behr. He is absolutely beautiful and so sweet. I know the last thing I needed was something else to feed but he drinks water from the faucet like Woody used to do. For those of you who do not know Woody, he was my cat. He died about three years ago and if he had live another month he would have been 21. He was my dearest friend in the world. He had been with me through more than anybody in this world. I miss him so much. So when Leslie at work told me Behr likes to sleep in the sink and drink out of the faucet and loved to snuggle, I could not say NO. To be such a manly cat, he has the sweetest little meow. I am so looking forward to hanging with Behr.
On a more serious note, I am furious with, I hope soon to be exhusband. I won't bore you with the details but he is just being vindictive and spiteful which is interesting because he is the one who asked for the divorce. What is there to be vindictive about? he got what he asked for. Well, I guess that is not fair to say, he got rid of me but he still has to take care of kids in the form of child support. Apparently, that was not part of the plan. Oh well, this too shall pass at least I don't have to live with the meaness anymore.
So overall, Spring Break has been a blast. We will cap off the week with a soccer game tomorrow, dinner with Granny Ann, and I am going to buy some honey from the Edwards on Sunday at Ashley Park. I cannot wait to see Jeanie and Jerry. It has been too long.
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