So I briefly created and wrote on another blog site while this one was MIA for some strange reason and many could not access it. Sorry about that. I am up and running now. I thought I would just briefly touch on a subject that is causing me enormous grief at the moment. The Universe.
Yes, I know you are wondering why the Universe would be causing me so much grief. Well, I am not talking about the moons, planets and stars. I am talking about the Universe in terms of Life, or God, or Fate. However you choose to acknowledge it. For me right now, I am choosing the Universe. The idea that there is something out there that is bigger than us and has more control than we do. I am butting heads with the Universe in a huge way because it keeps sending me things that I don't want. I don't want a friendship to end, I don't want said friendship to cause me so much pain that I resort to using food as comfort, I don't want people to die, be sick, or suffer. I don't want to trust that whatever happens in my life is in my best interest because so many things are happening that I simply do not like. You know, not like is not strong enough, things that I HATE.
My therapist, tells me that I am butting heads with the Universe and that life would be so much easier if I would just accept what is. I wish that I knew how to do that. I wish that I knew that meant I have always set my sights on what I wanted and worked through whatever adversity lay in the way to get it. Now, I have to let go and what?? let the Universe decide? If we are in control of our own destiny and we have the power to change our lives then how does one accept what is given to them? How????
Furthermore, how does one accept defeat? I am so competitve and driven that there has not been a time when I have wanted something that I did not go after it and get it. I wanted to graduate from college, it took me 10 years but I did it. I wanted a Masters degree, that took me 5 but I got it. I wanted to finish my specialists in a year and I did that too. How then do I just sit back and let the Universe decide what is best for me and accept everything just as it is. If I had done that, then I would not have finished college. It was hard and I worked full time the entire time, I had a baby, I went through a divorce. It was so hard. At any point, couldn't I have just said the Universe is sending me adversity, I am just going to accept that college is not for me. I don't know, maybe I have it all wrong, Lord knows it won't be the first time.
Anybody else struggling with this? If so, I would love to hear your thoughts. Or maybe you have it figured out, I would really love to hear those thoughts.
