So, I have not updated this blog in quite a while and I am sorry for that. I have been right in the middle of a great juggling act. My screen on my laptop just out of the blue went black one night. So I had to spend $600 and buy a new one. Not something that you want to do right around Christmas. And then there was the dreaded Research class that I took this semester in grad school. YUCK!!! but it is done as are Chapters 1 and 3 of my dissertation. Let's see soccer is in full swing and Abby is now taking Karate and Marching band takes a lot of time for Jackson. It has really been crazy.
The funny thing is that Jeff and I are still managing. I say managing because I was totally unprepared for how tough football season would be. In case I did not mention it, he works part time for the Falcons, a regular full time job and has full custody of his two girls. We are a regular Brady bunch. Football season means that he is busy every Sunday and on weekends that they travel he is gone minimum Sat. and Sun. and some weekends Fri. to Sun. In a nutshell, IT SUCKS. But luckily thus far this relationship is important to both of us so we are managing. Thought you would appreciate an update on the romance front.
In other news, I am reading a very special poem that my Daddy wrote in 1965 at our school Veterans Day program on Thursday. I will post a copy after I read it. I am honored and horrified at the same time. I will have to give a brief account of the origin of the poem and it is rapidly approaching the one year mark since he died. It will tough to do and in front of 700 people...worries me a little. But I remind myself that as scary as the idea of doing this is for me, he at the young age of 16 completed boot camp and was sent to Vietnam to fight. It keeps things in perspective for me. Daddy, if you are up there and can read this I hope you feel some of the appreciation that we as society now have for our service men and women. Wish it had been different for you!!
Last but not least.....I have a special section I would like to dedicate to my friend Christy--I like to call this ode to the bikini wax. If and/or when you decide to attempt a bikini wax....know that if you will take Advil about 45 minutes before you go it will definitely hurt less. There Christy--I have officially blogged about the bikini wax. What? Want to know more? :)
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Monday, September 12, 2011
Sometimes I worry...
Yesterday, as we all know was the anniversary September 11th. I did my best to remember but not dwell on such a horrible day in our history. I did come realize something though that was brought about by that day. We all worry about something happening to our kids but do we ever really think about something happening to our significant other? I never did too much but in the last month two major events have shown me that I do worry about this significant other. Significant? I think so.
You all have read about Jeff and maybe you know he works part time for the Falcons maybe not. He does and as a result he must travel with them. A few weeks ago during the preseason the trip was to Pittsburgh. Now I had heard about this Hurricane Irene but I have 4 kids in my house so watching the news is a no go. I had no idea where it was headed. Suddenly on Saturday night I found myself watching the 11 news and what do I see but the Governor of Pennsylvania talking about taking precautions for this Hurricane. I suck at geography but I know enough to know Pittsburgh is in PA. Where exactly? I don't know. I realized in that instant that I did not like the fact that Jeff was there with the Falcons and would on the only plane leaving PA that night. In fact more than 9000 flights had been cancelled on the east coast that night. I was quite relieved when I got a text at about 2 a.m. telling me they had landed safely.
Fast forward to Fri. 9/9....at dinner Jeff and I were having a casual conversation in which he shares with me that there is a terror threat on the stadium in Chicago for Sunday. You guessed it...the Falcons played there on Sunday. Jeff laughed at a joke made by his supervisor and the tunnel but I did not find it funny at all. I really was beyond worried about his leaving but was truly frightened. The hours between his flight leaving at 3 p.m. Saturday and returning late Sunday night were excruciating. Again the question enters my mind...significant? For me it is truly significant. I cannot remember having worried about another human being other than my kids to this extent before. Loving someone is truly magnificent and wonderful but it is also quite painful at times.
Recently a friend of mine was married and her son read a quote by none other than Winnie the Pooh, who is quite brilliant, by the way. I thought it was nice but it really struck a chord with me this weekend and so I thought I would share it with you.
If you live to be 100, I hope I live to be 100 minus 1 day, so I never have to live without you. I think this quote so eloquently describes how I feel at this moment in my life.
You all have read about Jeff and maybe you know he works part time for the Falcons maybe not. He does and as a result he must travel with them. A few weeks ago during the preseason the trip was to Pittsburgh. Now I had heard about this Hurricane Irene but I have 4 kids in my house so watching the news is a no go. I had no idea where it was headed. Suddenly on Saturday night I found myself watching the 11 news and what do I see but the Governor of Pennsylvania talking about taking precautions for this Hurricane. I suck at geography but I know enough to know Pittsburgh is in PA. Where exactly? I don't know. I realized in that instant that I did not like the fact that Jeff was there with the Falcons and would on the only plane leaving PA that night. In fact more than 9000 flights had been cancelled on the east coast that night. I was quite relieved when I got a text at about 2 a.m. telling me they had landed safely.
Fast forward to Fri. 9/9....at dinner Jeff and I were having a casual conversation in which he shares with me that there is a terror threat on the stadium in Chicago for Sunday. You guessed it...the Falcons played there on Sunday. Jeff laughed at a joke made by his supervisor and the tunnel but I did not find it funny at all. I really was beyond worried about his leaving but was truly frightened. The hours between his flight leaving at 3 p.m. Saturday and returning late Sunday night were excruciating. Again the question enters my mind...significant? For me it is truly significant. I cannot remember having worried about another human being other than my kids to this extent before. Loving someone is truly magnificent and wonderful but it is also quite painful at times.
Recently a friend of mine was married and her son read a quote by none other than Winnie the Pooh, who is quite brilliant, by the way. I thought it was nice but it really struck a chord with me this weekend and so I thought I would share it with you.
If you live to be 100, I hope I live to be 100 minus 1 day, so I never have to live without you. I think this quote so eloquently describes how I feel at this moment in my life.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Time is on my side, yes it is....not!!!
My sweet friend Amy so eloquently pointed out to me today that I have not been blogging. She is of course right but with raising 4 kids alone, teaching full time, working on my doctorate and managing a relationship along with friends, time is definitely not on my side. I sometimes wish for more hours in a day but that thought makes me tired just thinking it. So I am going to update you all on what's going on.
First, the relationship, wish I could intrigue you with drama but there is none to report. The relationship is wonderful in a scared as hell kind of way. I am happier than I have ever been in many respects and petrified at the same time. I am feelings things I have never felt before and again petrified at the same time. Still working with Ola, therapist extraordinaire, but I am no longer on the weekly plan. I have graduated to twice monthly. Jeff, is the most wonderful man. He is kind, loving, gentle, funny, and a really good person. He makes me want to be a better person. Sometimes I think that I have found the person I never want to live without and that fact only introduces more terror. He has two beautiful little girls that I have am honored to be a part of their lives and he genuinely likes my kids. Noah, sweet little Noah, who is quite reserved and shy, asked Jeff if he would stay the night last night and sleep in Jackson's bed. Noah and Jackson share a room. It was so sweet. And Abby adores him. She begs to be tickled and Jeff won't quit until she tells him he's the best. She says it but is right back to be tickled again.
I can say that the time that we have to spend a part is hard. With both of us having the responsibility of raising our kids on our own, time for us is in short supply. Adding to that the part time job he has with Falcons, my job which never ends at 4 and my school and our time is in even shorter supply. For now, I can honestly say that I am 100% in love with him and it feels good. I must send a special thank you to Words with Friends for hooking us up and Shanda Roberts for pushing it along.
On the other fronts, I miss my brother from another immensely and wish he were closer. My Dad would have turned 65 this Saturday, if had lived. I am not sure how I feel about the impending date. I am thinking that it might be the right time to take a trip to the cemetery. I have not been since we buried him in December of last year. I miss him every single day. Every time I think of him, I am reminded of the fact that Granny Ann will be 80 in January. She won't be here forever and I cannot even fathom life without her.
So enough of the morbid thoughts, I am making new friends and I have discovered that I really do have a lot of friends and to you guys I want to say thank you. I know that I am not always available and don't say or do the right things but I do love you guys each in a different way. I do have to give one special shout out to a friend who will remain nameless for now. I am so proud of you. From the bottom of my heart proud and truly and deeply honored to call you friend and to have you in my life. And to Julie.....congratulations. It is easy to see why you love Chester.
First, the relationship, wish I could intrigue you with drama but there is none to report. The relationship is wonderful in a scared as hell kind of way. I am happier than I have ever been in many respects and petrified at the same time. I am feelings things I have never felt before and again petrified at the same time. Still working with Ola, therapist extraordinaire, but I am no longer on the weekly plan. I have graduated to twice monthly. Jeff, is the most wonderful man. He is kind, loving, gentle, funny, and a really good person. He makes me want to be a better person. Sometimes I think that I have found the person I never want to live without and that fact only introduces more terror. He has two beautiful little girls that I have am honored to be a part of their lives and he genuinely likes my kids. Noah, sweet little Noah, who is quite reserved and shy, asked Jeff if he would stay the night last night and sleep in Jackson's bed. Noah and Jackson share a room. It was so sweet. And Abby adores him. She begs to be tickled and Jeff won't quit until she tells him he's the best. She says it but is right back to be tickled again.
I can say that the time that we have to spend a part is hard. With both of us having the responsibility of raising our kids on our own, time for us is in short supply. Adding to that the part time job he has with Falcons, my job which never ends at 4 and my school and our time is in even shorter supply. For now, I can honestly say that I am 100% in love with him and it feels good. I must send a special thank you to Words with Friends for hooking us up and Shanda Roberts for pushing it along.
On the other fronts, I miss my brother from another immensely and wish he were closer. My Dad would have turned 65 this Saturday, if had lived. I am not sure how I feel about the impending date. I am thinking that it might be the right time to take a trip to the cemetery. I have not been since we buried him in December of last year. I miss him every single day. Every time I think of him, I am reminded of the fact that Granny Ann will be 80 in January. She won't be here forever and I cannot even fathom life without her.
So enough of the morbid thoughts, I am making new friends and I have discovered that I really do have a lot of friends and to you guys I want to say thank you. I know that I am not always available and don't say or do the right things but I do love you guys each in a different way. I do have to give one special shout out to a friend who will remain nameless for now. I am so proud of you. From the bottom of my heart proud and truly and deeply honored to call you friend and to have you in my life. And to Julie.....congratulations. It is easy to see why you love Chester.
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Love is in the Air
It is late and I realized that I have not updated my blog in quite sometime, that is one of the perils of having summers off....you get lazy. So much has happened to me this summer. I began the summer with foot surgery and that was most unpleasant but a spur of the moment trip out West to see my brother Jeff did the trick to lift my spirits. It was an amazing trip full of peaceful sites to visit and quality time spent with my west coast family.
While on this trip I discovered an addictive game called Words with Friends. From this simple game on my phone, I reconnected with an amazing man. Playing the game led to chatting on Facebook which led to texting which led to more texting, day and night and that led to phone calls, and finally after many weeks we actually saw one another and it has now progressed into a relationship. I suck at good relationships so this one is both frightening and wonderful at the same time. I personally am working very hard with Ola, therapist extraordinairre to overcome my relationship issues so I am hopeful.
Let me tell you a little about Jeff. Not my brother Jeff, who by the way is amazing in his own right but my love interest Jeff. He is absolutely the most generous, tender, affectionate, and loving man I have ever had the pleasure of being involved with. He tells me everyday how beautiful I am and how special I am. He has two lovely daughters that he takes care of full time and does a great job with them. He is absolutely adorable. My biggest fear is that I will somehow screw this up. I pray everyday that I won't. He is fabulous with my kids too and when I told him I had 4 he did not run screaming from the room. When I shared with him my fears, he was supportive and understanding. I cannot fathom what I have done to deserve this in my life but I am so grateful to have it.
So as I prepare to begin this new school year and face all of the chaos and anxiety that will present initially, I do it with a smile on my face and happiness in my heart.
Those who have read the blog have undoubtedly picked up on the struggles and pain that have colored my world this last year. Losing my Dad, the failure of a marriage and the ugliness that came my way as a result, the loss of a dear friendship combined with the other losses felt like it would kill me sometimes the hurt was so much. Well, I saw the light and the end of the tunnel and I kept trudging through and now I know what it feels like to come out on the other side. It feels good. I still miss my Daddy everyday but I know he is in a better place and he is finally happy and at peace. I still have to deal with the ex and he is still mean, hurtful and disrespectful but I do it now with a new purpose and a shield that protects me from the darts he shoots my way. The lost friendship is on the mend and I am so very grateful for that. And then there is Jeff, I don't know what if anything the future holds in this relationship but for right now I am going to bask in the wonder of it and enjoy every second.
While on this trip I discovered an addictive game called Words with Friends. From this simple game on my phone, I reconnected with an amazing man. Playing the game led to chatting on Facebook which led to texting which led to more texting, day and night and that led to phone calls, and finally after many weeks we actually saw one another and it has now progressed into a relationship. I suck at good relationships so this one is both frightening and wonderful at the same time. I personally am working very hard with Ola, therapist extraordinairre to overcome my relationship issues so I am hopeful.
Let me tell you a little about Jeff. Not my brother Jeff, who by the way is amazing in his own right but my love interest Jeff. He is absolutely the most generous, tender, affectionate, and loving man I have ever had the pleasure of being involved with. He tells me everyday how beautiful I am and how special I am. He has two lovely daughters that he takes care of full time and does a great job with them. He is absolutely adorable. My biggest fear is that I will somehow screw this up. I pray everyday that I won't. He is fabulous with my kids too and when I told him I had 4 he did not run screaming from the room. When I shared with him my fears, he was supportive and understanding. I cannot fathom what I have done to deserve this in my life but I am so grateful to have it.
So as I prepare to begin this new school year and face all of the chaos and anxiety that will present initially, I do it with a smile on my face and happiness in my heart.
Those who have read the blog have undoubtedly picked up on the struggles and pain that have colored my world this last year. Losing my Dad, the failure of a marriage and the ugliness that came my way as a result, the loss of a dear friendship combined with the other losses felt like it would kill me sometimes the hurt was so much. Well, I saw the light and the end of the tunnel and I kept trudging through and now I know what it feels like to come out on the other side. It feels good. I still miss my Daddy everyday but I know he is in a better place and he is finally happy and at peace. I still have to deal with the ex and he is still mean, hurtful and disrespectful but I do it now with a new purpose and a shield that protects me from the darts he shoots my way. The lost friendship is on the mend and I am so very grateful for that. And then there is Jeff, I don't know what if anything the future holds in this relationship but for right now I am going to bask in the wonder of it and enjoy every second.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Diary of a Single Mother...: Flowers in Heaven
Diary of a Single Mother...: Flowers in Heaven: "As Father's Day draws nearer I am saddened that this year I will not have my Dad here to celebrate with. He passed away in December after b..."
Flowers in Heaven
As Father's Day draws nearer I am saddened that this year I will not have my Dad here to celebrate with. He passed away in December after battling with congestive heart failure, renal failure and cancer. Not to mention the endless emotional demons that plagued him his entire life. In many ways, he is responsible for my search for a better way to live. He did find that peace he so longed for until he died. I trust that he is peaceful now and certainly his pain is gone. So that got me thinking and the thinking led to writing. I wrote the poem below for my Dad. I love that man more than words can say and I miss him terribly.
Flowers In Heaven
If flowers grow in Heaven, God, pick gardenias, would you please?
Put them in my Daddy's arm and tell him they're from me.
When he smiles that silly, lopsided, goofy little smile;
Plant a big kiss upon his cheek and hold him tight a little while.
Tell him that I miss him each and every day; but heart is full of happiness that his pain has gone away.
In my heart, I know that I will one day hear again;
His voice saying,"Naycee come and take my hand."
And we will walk side by side on those streets of gold;
Together, just he and I like the days of old.
I am certain that I will remind him that I was right all along;
If you truly want to get to heaven and walk those streets of gold;
You have to know the password is Roll Tide Roll.
I love you Daddy and miss you so much.
Flowers In Heaven
If flowers grow in Heaven, God, pick gardenias, would you please?
Put them in my Daddy's arm and tell him they're from me.
When he smiles that silly, lopsided, goofy little smile;
Plant a big kiss upon his cheek and hold him tight a little while.
Tell him that I miss him each and every day; but heart is full of happiness that his pain has gone away.
In my heart, I know that I will one day hear again;
His voice saying,"Naycee come and take my hand."
And we will walk side by side on those streets of gold;
Together, just he and I like the days of old.
I am certain that I will remind him that I was right all along;
If you truly want to get to heaven and walk those streets of gold;
You have to know the password is Roll Tide Roll.
I love you Daddy and miss you so much.
Monday, June 6, 2011
It's been a while
Hello all, it has been a while. The end of the year is super busy. Add to that foot surgery, beginning course work on my doctorate and 4 kids and you can see why I have not written in a while. I am not sure that I have much to say today but I needed to write something. So here goes.....a bunch of random thoughts.
First, I have to say that I am so grateful and appreciative for all of the wonderful friends that I have. They have come out in droves to support me during my time of surgery and recuperation. Food, flowers and just stopping by to keep me company has meant so much. Not to mention the phone calls, emails and facebook messages. I am truly humbled by this experience. I do not feel worthy of the support that has come way. That being said, I still find myself wishing that one particular person would call or come by. You know, I can't name names but I do wish that this person was still a part of my life. And, no i definitely do not mean the, i hope soon to be ex-husband. But a friend that was so close and dear to me for so long and things have just gotten to be too complicated and we needed a break. Having so much time to sit and think has made me realize how much I really miss the friendship. I hope that given some time we can get things back on track.
Secondly, I am really glad that it is summer but I am definitely struggling with ex issues. Mainly, he keeps calling me a thief and to go on top of that he texts this stuff to me and spells the word incorrectly. I am no thief but he feels that since he is required to pay child support and half of medical expenses that I am somehow getting more than my fair share. Whatever.....I should start calling him an adulterer as he is dating an older woman and he is still technically married. Oh, and did I mention that he lived with her for several months while we were only seperated and no divorce papers filed. Yes, we know Patrick....ya'll are just friends. I am honestly glad that I am no longer living with him and will soon not be married to him but really the name calling is annoying. And it is annoying to have to deal with him not following through with his end of the bargain. Did I mention that he wanted the settlement this way?
Lastly, daytime television sucks....there is nothing to watch. I will be so glad when I can get out and do something. Sitting around all day is no fun. So, if you are bored and want to chat call me, message me or just stop by. That's all for now.
First, I have to say that I am so grateful and appreciative for all of the wonderful friends that I have. They have come out in droves to support me during my time of surgery and recuperation. Food, flowers and just stopping by to keep me company has meant so much. Not to mention the phone calls, emails and facebook messages. I am truly humbled by this experience. I do not feel worthy of the support that has come way. That being said, I still find myself wishing that one particular person would call or come by. You know, I can't name names but I do wish that this person was still a part of my life. And, no i definitely do not mean the, i hope soon to be ex-husband. But a friend that was so close and dear to me for so long and things have just gotten to be too complicated and we needed a break. Having so much time to sit and think has made me realize how much I really miss the friendship. I hope that given some time we can get things back on track.
Secondly, I am really glad that it is summer but I am definitely struggling with ex issues. Mainly, he keeps calling me a thief and to go on top of that he texts this stuff to me and spells the word incorrectly. I am no thief but he feels that since he is required to pay child support and half of medical expenses that I am somehow getting more than my fair share. Whatever.....I should start calling him an adulterer as he is dating an older woman and he is still technically married. Oh, and did I mention that he lived with her for several months while we were only seperated and no divorce papers filed. Yes, we know Patrick....ya'll are just friends. I am honestly glad that I am no longer living with him and will soon not be married to him but really the name calling is annoying. And it is annoying to have to deal with him not following through with his end of the bargain. Did I mention that he wanted the settlement this way?
Lastly, daytime television sucks....there is nothing to watch. I will be so glad when I can get out and do something. Sitting around all day is no fun. So, if you are bored and want to chat call me, message me or just stop by. That's all for now.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Cold Turkey, is it possible?
Before I share with you the meaning of today's title let me say a few words of thanks. First of all, I started this blog as a way to share funny stories about my kids but it quickly turned into something more. For me it has been therapeutic for lack of a better description. I don't know who reads it but knowing that someone does adds a level of accountability in my life that I need. I have heard from a few this past week with only positive comments about the blog and I thank you. I heard from one neither positive nor negative just that it was explored. But there was one, an old friend from back in the day that was particularly touching. This friend shared that it was nice to know that she was not alone in the single Mom world. Now that sounds obvious that she is not alone. You only have to turn on 16 and pregnant to know there are lots of single Moms. But, I totally identify with feeling alone. I feel that way most of the time. Friends mean well and want to listen and be supportive but they cannot possibly understand the feeling of having so much responsibility of such precious cargo (kids) all by yourself. So you know who you are, I salute you and I thank you for taking the time to make your thoughts and feelings known to me. For those who read this, thank you for taking the time, and for helping me in this wonderfully challenging path.
Now, let's talk cold turkey. It should come as no surprise to you when I say that I had a particularly challenging session with Ola, therapist extraordinairre, today. She, as she often does challenged me to something today that would require me in my opinion to go "Cold Turkey" and stop something that I have been doing and involved in deeply and emotionally for years now. The challenge is to stop it and do nothing for 3 months. I know that does not sound like a long time but to me at this moment it feels like an eternity. I have not had an addiction per say to alcohol, tobacco or drugs but I am addicted to bad relationships so doing nothing for 3 months with regards to relationships is like quitting smoking cold turkey. I said to Ola,"I will try." How quickly she corrected me saying, "No, you will do it." Then followed a really cute illustration involving a chair and trying to get up. So this got me thinking about the words "I will try." What I meant was that I would do nothing for as long as I could but I wanted to give myself an out with her in particular since it was her challenge if I failed to do nothing for the entire 3 months. I needed an escape hatch. Needless to say, she would not give me one. So I need your help out there in blog world. Remind me occasionally to do nothing. I have now successfully removed the escape hatch myself by sharing this challenge with you. I know you will want to know how the "cold turkey" thing went and I will be sure to tell you good, bad or ugly, the truth.
I have to give one more shout out tonight. This goes to all of my students and to my Noah who did so well on the CRCT. Scores came back today and I have to tell you that proud does not even begin to describe what I am feeling right now. I had one student of mine that earned a perfect score on the Science CRCT and my little Noah, who God love him, struggles in school with his ADHD and his small stature exceeded in both Science and Social Studies and was 2 points away from exceeding in Math. He passed everything with flying colors. I have to also say that all of my Science students especially my Sp. Ed. kids did really well. If I could get away with kissing them all I surely would. I am one proud Mama and Teacher today. I sure hope that my kiddos are proud of themselves.
Now, let's talk cold turkey. It should come as no surprise to you when I say that I had a particularly challenging session with Ola, therapist extraordinairre, today. She, as she often does challenged me to something today that would require me in my opinion to go "Cold Turkey" and stop something that I have been doing and involved in deeply and emotionally for years now. The challenge is to stop it and do nothing for 3 months. I know that does not sound like a long time but to me at this moment it feels like an eternity. I have not had an addiction per say to alcohol, tobacco or drugs but I am addicted to bad relationships so doing nothing for 3 months with regards to relationships is like quitting smoking cold turkey. I said to Ola,"I will try." How quickly she corrected me saying, "No, you will do it." Then followed a really cute illustration involving a chair and trying to get up. So this got me thinking about the words "I will try." What I meant was that I would do nothing for as long as I could but I wanted to give myself an out with her in particular since it was her challenge if I failed to do nothing for the entire 3 months. I needed an escape hatch. Needless to say, she would not give me one. So I need your help out there in blog world. Remind me occasionally to do nothing. I have now successfully removed the escape hatch myself by sharing this challenge with you. I know you will want to know how the "cold turkey" thing went and I will be sure to tell you good, bad or ugly, the truth.
I have to give one more shout out tonight. This goes to all of my students and to my Noah who did so well on the CRCT. Scores came back today and I have to tell you that proud does not even begin to describe what I am feeling right now. I had one student of mine that earned a perfect score on the Science CRCT and my little Noah, who God love him, struggles in school with his ADHD and his small stature exceeded in both Science and Social Studies and was 2 points away from exceeding in Math. He passed everything with flying colors. I have to also say that all of my Science students especially my Sp. Ed. kids did really well. If I could get away with kissing them all I surely would. I am one proud Mama and Teacher today. I sure hope that my kiddos are proud of themselves.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Is there such a thing as perfect?
Today, was, in my opinion a perfect day from beginning to end. I woke this morning to Abby whispering "Mommy, whatever you do, don't go downstairs." I know, right, I should have been scared and rushed right down the stairs but somehow I was not worried at all. I could only smile at how cute she was. I could tell that cooking was going on and there was a lot of activity going on downstairs. It seems that Jackson woke everybody up this morning including himself via an alarm clock, I did not know he knew how to use one, and organized the whole thing. He thought that cooking 3 eggs was enough for a family of five and he made way too much toast but it was the best breakfast I have ever had. The kids cleaned up the kitchen which allowed me the time to vacuum my car. While I vacuumed they played with Abby's pink baseball bat and balls.
I cooked shrimp and grits for my brother, sister in law, Granny Ann and Jack. It was really good and we had fun visiting. Jackson had band concert so he left a little early and we met him at the PAC for the concert. As we were getting ready to leave, everybody was watching TRON on the PS3 and I caught the last few minutes. A line in movie struck me....basically Clu the bad guy was talking to Flynn the good guy. Flynn explained to Clu that there is no perfect and if you achieve perfection it won't last because it cannot be controlled. Now, the movie is some video game premise but the line caused me to pause. I had thought all day long about perfect the day was and that it was the best Mother's Day I can ever remember having. Literally from start to finish, I loved every single moment. The kids made the most beautiful gifts and they were so proud of them. Jackson bought a card and customized it to fit our family and it truly was the perfect card. I got a dozen yellow roses and orange carnations from Chloe along necklaces that she and Abby made in Art Club that are lovely. Noah made this wheel of gratitude and was so proud to show me that his favorite line was that I was his hero. It was just a perfect day. At the band concert, Jackson presented me with the most beautiful red rose I have ever seen and he looked so handsome in his tux. We had Chinese food for dinner which is totally my favorite and got through showers with no arguing and fussing. The little kids went to bed and now the house is quiet.
Again, I think of the line in the movie. I spend so much of my life waiting for the other shoe to drop because it seems that with every good thing there has to be several bad. Today was different though. I cannot explain why because I don't know why. It was just different. I think that for me the perfection of the day came because there was no control and there was no worry on my part. Maybe I just had a good night's sleep or something but I did not feel any need to make anything perfect for anyone and I was not at all worried about whether anyone would enjoy themselves. I simply enjoyed every moment. So at the end of this day I think that perfection comes when we don't control or attempt to control anything. We simply exist and accept that which comes our way...the good, the bad and the ugly. I very wise friend of mine, Leigh Snyder of Seattle, Washington, said today was different but restful for her and that things happen for a reason. She said that eventhough you do not always know the reason, you have to trust that it, whatever it is, is for the best. Like I said, for me today was perfection. The only downside is that it has to end.
I cooked shrimp and grits for my brother, sister in law, Granny Ann and Jack. It was really good and we had fun visiting. Jackson had band concert so he left a little early and we met him at the PAC for the concert. As we were getting ready to leave, everybody was watching TRON on the PS3 and I caught the last few minutes. A line in movie struck me....basically Clu the bad guy was talking to Flynn the good guy. Flynn explained to Clu that there is no perfect and if you achieve perfection it won't last because it cannot be controlled. Now, the movie is some video game premise but the line caused me to pause. I had thought all day long about perfect the day was and that it was the best Mother's Day I can ever remember having. Literally from start to finish, I loved every single moment. The kids made the most beautiful gifts and they were so proud of them. Jackson bought a card and customized it to fit our family and it truly was the perfect card. I got a dozen yellow roses and orange carnations from Chloe along necklaces that she and Abby made in Art Club that are lovely. Noah made this wheel of gratitude and was so proud to show me that his favorite line was that I was his hero. It was just a perfect day. At the band concert, Jackson presented me with the most beautiful red rose I have ever seen and he looked so handsome in his tux. We had Chinese food for dinner which is totally my favorite and got through showers with no arguing and fussing. The little kids went to bed and now the house is quiet.
Again, I think of the line in the movie. I spend so much of my life waiting for the other shoe to drop because it seems that with every good thing there has to be several bad. Today was different though. I cannot explain why because I don't know why. It was just different. I think that for me the perfection of the day came because there was no control and there was no worry on my part. Maybe I just had a good night's sleep or something but I did not feel any need to make anything perfect for anyone and I was not at all worried about whether anyone would enjoy themselves. I simply enjoyed every moment. So at the end of this day I think that perfection comes when we don't control or attempt to control anything. We simply exist and accept that which comes our way...the good, the bad and the ugly. I very wise friend of mine, Leigh Snyder of Seattle, Washington, said today was different but restful for her and that things happen for a reason. She said that eventhough you do not always know the reason, you have to trust that it, whatever it is, is for the best. Like I said, for me today was perfection. The only downside is that it has to end.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Good but Random Thoughts
Today has been a very productive day for me on the homefront as I slept in this morning and then proceeded to clean my house from top to bottom and get a jump start on laundry. As I was cleaning, I was reminded of a post that a friend of mine, Maureen "Mo" Dwyer put on Facebook. It said that being alone did not equal lonely unless you do not like the company that you keep. This made me stop and realize that although I am divorced and frequently alone with kids going to their Dad's and friends with lives that are busy, the days of feeling that bitter pang of loneliness are fewer and farther between. It is a huge hurdle that I am getting over, this whole learning to love myself and appreciate myself just the way I am. But I was reminded today that I am managing and learning to appreciate me. This week I found myself with a choice, I could grab a bite of fast food and rush back to the Lodge and help Jackson with DeMolay clean up or I could go and have a quiet dinner all by myself at one of my favorite Chinese places. It did not take me long to start telling myself I should go help Jackson but ultimately I decided that my nerves needed a break. I took my book with me and I entered the resturant and enjoyed a delicious meal complete with my favorite sizzling rice soup. I read a little, watch a little Cake Boss on the TV that was playing and watched the other people in the resturant. Huge step for me, oh ye who could not stand to be alone, and in a public place no less. :)
Tonight a good friend of mine came over and brought her amazing kids to play with mine and as we chatted she shared with me a little of her divorce drama involving an ex-inlaw who felt she was within her rights pass judgment on who my friend could and could not have a relationship with. As we talked it occurred to me how often we invite others to share their opinions with us when we really don't want to. This made me stop and think of a situation that I have written about in this blog before. A friend of mine, has asked for a suspension of the friendship, blew up at me for no good reason, attempts to apologize via email though from my perspective it is an I am sorry but.....the but of course being that somehow I am responsible and brought it on myself, and will not respect my needs in that contact continues to be made even though I was very clear that I did not want any contact until a decision was made on her part about the friendship. I forwarded some messages that I read that were particularly poignant to this friend and I realized today that by doing that I extended an invitation to her that ultimately caused me more pain. I have to take ownership of that and learn to be mindful about what I am willing to open myself up to.
On a funny note, tonight after dinner I took the kids with me to Kroger to do a little grocery shopping. This is never a good idea for me to as it always ends in my forgetting something vital on my list and leaving the store frustrated and tired. But I did it anyway. So we are walking through the store and I have given my kids the speech about not talking to Mommy constantly as it distracts me and makes the visit take longer and I notice that Abby and Chloe are talking. They are not so much talking to each other but talking. The conversation goes something like this....Abby: "I will cut you." Chloe: "Security, security, this man has got to go." For those who have not seen Bon Qui Qui on you tube at King Burger, look it up now and watch it. Once you do, you will appreciate the humor in this story. Both girls had their heads bobbing and fingers shaking just like Bom Qui Qui. It was hysterical until I stopped to consider what the other Kroger shavoppers, some who heard my speech about not asking Mommy a 100 questions must have thought listening to them especially if they are not familiar with the Mad TV video of Bon Qui Qui. I just had to laugh all over again at how crazy we sounded but hey, normal is only a cycle on you washing machine.
Tonight a good friend of mine came over and brought her amazing kids to play with mine and as we chatted she shared with me a little of her divorce drama involving an ex-inlaw who felt she was within her rights pass judgment on who my friend could and could not have a relationship with. As we talked it occurred to me how often we invite others to share their opinions with us when we really don't want to. This made me stop and think of a situation that I have written about in this blog before. A friend of mine, has asked for a suspension of the friendship, blew up at me for no good reason, attempts to apologize via email though from my perspective it is an I am sorry but.....the but of course being that somehow I am responsible and brought it on myself, and will not respect my needs in that contact continues to be made even though I was very clear that I did not want any contact until a decision was made on her part about the friendship. I forwarded some messages that I read that were particularly poignant to this friend and I realized today that by doing that I extended an invitation to her that ultimately caused me more pain. I have to take ownership of that and learn to be mindful about what I am willing to open myself up to.
On a funny note, tonight after dinner I took the kids with me to Kroger to do a little grocery shopping. This is never a good idea for me to as it always ends in my forgetting something vital on my list and leaving the store frustrated and tired. But I did it anyway. So we are walking through the store and I have given my kids the speech about not talking to Mommy constantly as it distracts me and makes the visit take longer and I notice that Abby and Chloe are talking. They are not so much talking to each other but talking. The conversation goes something like this....Abby: "I will cut you." Chloe: "Security, security, this man has got to go." For those who have not seen Bon Qui Qui on you tube at King Burger, look it up now and watch it. Once you do, you will appreciate the humor in this story. Both girls had their heads bobbing and fingers shaking just like Bom Qui Qui. It was hysterical until I stopped to consider what the other Kroger shavoppers, some who heard my speech about not asking Mommy a 100 questions must have thought listening to them especially if they are not familiar with the Mad TV video of Bon Qui Qui. I just had to laugh all over again at how crazy we sounded but hey, normal is only a cycle on you washing machine.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
How can you mend a broken heart?
How can you mend a broken heart? If any of you have the answer please chime in.......a dear friend of mine has a daughter who has recently dealt with a potential job loss and now a wedding has been called off. On top of that he is quite the a**hole and was horrible to her in the end. So as I was chatting with my friend I started to think....how do you mend a broken heart? Are there specific steps that one could take? Is it something that is personal and different for everyone?
I wonder because this friend said to me that my advice was better than anyones. I did not offer what I considered to be advice at all. I shared my personal experience in recently dealing with a broken heart and an a**hole but did not think I was telling her what her daughter should do. I don't know what her daughter should do. I do know with anyone whose heart is broken you should set some firm boundaries and hold them. No matter how enticing weakening them might seem. The brief reprise from the pain will only serve to make the pain that much worse when it returns. And, it will return. So, what do you do? A very wise Dr. that I once worked for said that sleep is important. If you can sleep, you can get through anything, he said and at the time it made sense. Sleep it off like a drunken Saturday night. :) Some say forget about him....is that good advice? Shouldn't you want to remember so you don't repeat those same mistakes? I can honestly say that over the years I have adopted the forget about it attitude only to find myself right back in the same position with a different person.
Broken hearts suck but they are not permanent. I have recently begun to really believe this and I hope with all that is in me that it turns out to be true because they do suck. But however temporary they may be they are so incredibly painful that the desire to get relief from the pain even for a moment can be so great that we jump right back into a situation that will only end in another heartbreak. I am committed to not doing that again. But I would love to hear any thoughts that you would care to share on this topic. I should also go ahead and put in a quick plug for my fabulous therapist who has taught me so much in such a short period of time Ms. Alexandra "Ola" Stasiak-Brough. I must ask her where "Ola" came from. Sorry, that was me chasing shiny objects. Anyway, she is good so if you need a good therapist call her 404-771-1649. Be sure to mention me in case she ever decides to give away prizes for referrals. :) And do share your thoughts. Blogs are not fun if no one responds.
I wonder because this friend said to me that my advice was better than anyones. I did not offer what I considered to be advice at all. I shared my personal experience in recently dealing with a broken heart and an a**hole but did not think I was telling her what her daughter should do. I don't know what her daughter should do. I do know with anyone whose heart is broken you should set some firm boundaries and hold them. No matter how enticing weakening them might seem. The brief reprise from the pain will only serve to make the pain that much worse when it returns. And, it will return. So, what do you do? A very wise Dr. that I once worked for said that sleep is important. If you can sleep, you can get through anything, he said and at the time it made sense. Sleep it off like a drunken Saturday night. :) Some say forget about him....is that good advice? Shouldn't you want to remember so you don't repeat those same mistakes? I can honestly say that over the years I have adopted the forget about it attitude only to find myself right back in the same position with a different person.
Broken hearts suck but they are not permanent. I have recently begun to really believe this and I hope with all that is in me that it turns out to be true because they do suck. But however temporary they may be they are so incredibly painful that the desire to get relief from the pain even for a moment can be so great that we jump right back into a situation that will only end in another heartbreak. I am committed to not doing that again. But I would love to hear any thoughts that you would care to share on this topic. I should also go ahead and put in a quick plug for my fabulous therapist who has taught me so much in such a short period of time Ms. Alexandra "Ola" Stasiak-Brough. I must ask her where "Ola" came from. Sorry, that was me chasing shiny objects. Anyway, she is good so if you need a good therapist call her 404-771-1649. Be sure to mention me in case she ever decides to give away prizes for referrals. :) And do share your thoughts. Blogs are not fun if no one responds.
Monday, April 25, 2011
When is it appropriate to apologize via email?
Over the last few weeks I have thought a lot about the words I am sorry. I don't know about you all but I say the words I am sorry a lot. If someone is having a bad day, someone dies, loses a pet, any number of reasons will spark an I am sorry from me but am I really sorry. Most of the time what I really mean is I hate that ___________ is happening to the person. Sometimes, I mean, I know how bad that hurts and others I mean absolutely nothing other than it is a polite thing to say when in truth I really do not care at all. Saying I am sorry literally means that the I has some ownership in the event that has occurred. Am I really sorry that a loved one has died, not unless I was somehow responsible for the death. Anyway, this thought brought me around to when are we really sorry and how should one apologize?
Technology is good thing in the world we live in but it is also a curse. People are immediately accessible via email and cell phones. Facebook puts us in touch with hundreds of folks we would not have access to without technology. Is it ever okay to apologize via email? By this I mean a real apology, not merely a substitue for hating something they are going through, a real heartfelt apology where you take ownership of the wrong you have done or the pain you have caused. I recently received what is supposed to be a sincere apology via email though the words I am sorry were absent....and there was a lot of explanation why the event happened to begin with and lot of talk about guilt. I am perplexed by this for some reason now. It has never occurred to me to question the method in which the apology was delivered. I write about this now because I am keenly aware that the manner in which the email is read will play a significant role in whether the apology or resemblance of an apology is accepted.
It also brings up, for me anyway, the question of questions. What if there are parts of the email apology that are unclear to the reader? Is it appropriate to call or email a response inquiring for more clarification or does proper ettiquette say that we should merely accept the apology and forget about it? This also brings up for me the question of is it ever appropriate not to accept an apology and what would it look like if one refused to accept an apology? The three words I am sorry are powerful and loaded with a lot emotion or they are void of any kind of meaning whatsoever and encompass a lot of gray area in between. So, I ask you to share your thoughts, if you have them on apologies. I would love to hear from you.
Technology is good thing in the world we live in but it is also a curse. People are immediately accessible via email and cell phones. Facebook puts us in touch with hundreds of folks we would not have access to without technology. Is it ever okay to apologize via email? By this I mean a real apology, not merely a substitue for hating something they are going through, a real heartfelt apology where you take ownership of the wrong you have done or the pain you have caused. I recently received what is supposed to be a sincere apology via email though the words I am sorry were absent....and there was a lot of explanation why the event happened to begin with and lot of talk about guilt. I am perplexed by this for some reason now. It has never occurred to me to question the method in which the apology was delivered. I write about this now because I am keenly aware that the manner in which the email is read will play a significant role in whether the apology or resemblance of an apology is accepted.
It also brings up, for me anyway, the question of questions. What if there are parts of the email apology that are unclear to the reader? Is it appropriate to call or email a response inquiring for more clarification or does proper ettiquette say that we should merely accept the apology and forget about it? This also brings up for me the question of is it ever appropriate not to accept an apology and what would it look like if one refused to accept an apology? The three words I am sorry are powerful and loaded with a lot emotion or they are void of any kind of meaning whatsoever and encompass a lot of gray area in between. So, I ask you to share your thoughts, if you have them on apologies. I would love to hear from you.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
When the world gets in my face, I say Have a Nice Day but is that enough?
I am so fortunate to be attending the Bon Jovi concert with Beth Greene, a teacher at school and one I do hope will become a dear friend. I was listening to some music tonight with the kids while Chloe was practicing soccer and Noah;s favorite song in Bon Jove Have A Nice Day. The premise of the song is when the world is mean and nasty how do you react. The idea in the song is you say Have A Nice Day but is this really enough? It struck me that sometimes it is simply not enough to say have a nice day.
Over the weekend, I had the misfortune of being on the receiving end of what I would call an undeserved tyrade. I was truly trying to be kind and ignore the injustice that had been done to me in favor of being understanding and supportive of a dear friend who is going through serious difficulties right now. It did not turn out well for me. Should I have adopted another attitude different from Have a Nice Day? Certainly an apology is warrante d but is it ok to just say Have a Nice Day and forget about the injustice? Am I really doing society any good by maintaining a positive attitude in the face of serious hurt and pain?
I am most fortunate to have a student for most of the school day, homeroom, 1st period, 7th period and the dreaded second bus load who seriously tries my patience. The negativity this student exhibits is toxic and she is most disrespectful to boot. I attempted today, to talk with her about choices explaining that sometimes we have to choose between good choices and better choices. I encouraged this student to stay in her classrooms today as much as possible, only going to the restroom when it is absolutely necessary rather than using her pass which allows students three visits per day. The drama in middle school is like a powerful magnet to this particular child. Some of it is the student's own doing but a lot is not. The idea was to limit the possibilities of being exposed to it by staying put. Well, the student proceeded to yell at me and adult and tell me that I was getting on her nerves anyway.
Long story short, I had reached by limit. The reaction was the last straw. No longer am I going to ignore the rolling of eyes and the hand in the face gesture or the rude and disrespectful comments. Furthermore, I notified my principal and assistant principal of the same after rudely telling the student to get out of my room and take the nasty attitude with you. So listening to the song tonight made me think that in this generation there is far too much entitlement. Is this a result of us simply ignoring poor and unacceptable behaviors by saying have a nice day? I have not come to a clear answer on that question yet so I ask you....when the world gets in your face do you say Have A Nice Day? If so is that enough? If not then, what do you say?
Over the weekend, I had the misfortune of being on the receiving end of what I would call an undeserved tyrade. I was truly trying to be kind and ignore the injustice that had been done to me in favor of being understanding and supportive of a dear friend who is going through serious difficulties right now. It did not turn out well for me. Should I have adopted another attitude different from Have a Nice Day? Certainly an apology is warrante d but is it ok to just say Have a Nice Day and forget about the injustice? Am I really doing society any good by maintaining a positive attitude in the face of serious hurt and pain?
I am most fortunate to have a student for most of the school day, homeroom, 1st period, 7th period and the dreaded second bus load who seriously tries my patience. The negativity this student exhibits is toxic and she is most disrespectful to boot. I attempted today, to talk with her about choices explaining that sometimes we have to choose between good choices and better choices. I encouraged this student to stay in her classrooms today as much as possible, only going to the restroom when it is absolutely necessary rather than using her pass which allows students three visits per day. The drama in middle school is like a powerful magnet to this particular child. Some of it is the student's own doing but a lot is not. The idea was to limit the possibilities of being exposed to it by staying put. Well, the student proceeded to yell at me and adult and tell me that I was getting on her nerves anyway.
Long story short, I had reached by limit. The reaction was the last straw. No longer am I going to ignore the rolling of eyes and the hand in the face gesture or the rude and disrespectful comments. Furthermore, I notified my principal and assistant principal of the same after rudely telling the student to get out of my room and take the nasty attitude with you. So listening to the song tonight made me think that in this generation there is far too much entitlement. Is this a result of us simply ignoring poor and unacceptable behaviors by saying have a nice day? I have not come to a clear answer on that question yet so I ask you....when the world gets in your face do you say Have A Nice Day? If so is that enough? If not then, what do you say?
Monday, April 18, 2011
How we see ourselves......
How do you see yourself? I have not really thought about this subject much but today it is at the forefront of my mind. I have a friend, Mo, who introduced me to Reiki, meditation and yoga. Reiki a eastern art of balancing the chakras in your body. Chakras come from ancient Hindu text and there are 6: Crown, Brow, throat, heart, sacral and root. They all represent different things and when they are out of balance our bodies feel out of sorts for lack of a better description.
Anyway, I am committed to a new and healthy lifestyle which includes physical, mental and emotional health. This new lifestyle includes a rejection of a lot of western practices. The first of which was anti-depressants. So I have been going regularly for therapy and Reiki sessions. Today, I was introduced to a new Reiki Master and I was quite apprehensive and not feeling like it was going to do a whole lot of good but I meditated this morning and made a conscious effort all day to stay open to the experience.
In talking prior to the session, Gail shared that she had done an energy reading on me based on some of the information that I gave her. She said that I had leadership qualities and a maturity that was yet to be realized. She also said that I was destined for greatness if I was willing to accept it. This really surprised me. Destined for greatness really? Me? I think not, I said to myself. But I continued to listen. She shared a lot of things about me that were true and things that were deeply rooted and hidden from the rest of the world. Psychic your thinking, right? I don't think so but very in tune. The things she shared were not things that she could have Googled my name to find out and they were things that Mo does not know so could not have been shared in that manner either. So, I was totally intrigued at this point.
This got me to thinking about how we see ourselves. Do we each see ourselves as people who are capable of greatness? Are we willing to consider that there could be wonderful things in our future and our we willing to accept them? How does one achieve greatness? I don't have the answers but I do believe that we all have the power to do great things and be great people but we have to believe it ourselves.
I love the Black-Eyed Peas. There is nothing that I would rather listen to than this group. On the new album, there is a bonus track called Own It. It has become my new theme song. It begins with
"All my dreamers, all my believers, tomorrow leaders, this your chance. Everybody is a star; it don't matter who you are. Keep on reaching for the stars cause it ain't crazy as it seems. This is your chance to own it, this is your chance, you moment, this your chance don't blow it." (Will I. Am, 2010) I don't know about you guys but I do not want to blow it.
For the information on Reiki, meditation, yoga, and/or a great therapist see below.
Maureen "Mo" Dwyer www.innerpeacemeditationandyoga.com
Alexandra "Ola" Stasiak-Brough Imago Therapy, specializing in couples but great with individuals 404-771-1649
Gail Tibbits 770-599-0300 Certified Natural Health Professional
Tell them I sent you so maybe I can get some discounted services. This getting healthy is getting expensive.
For those of you who think I am crazy, well, I am but a good crazy. You should consider joining me.
Peace, Renea
Anyway, I am committed to a new and healthy lifestyle which includes physical, mental and emotional health. This new lifestyle includes a rejection of a lot of western practices. The first of which was anti-depressants. So I have been going regularly for therapy and Reiki sessions. Today, I was introduced to a new Reiki Master and I was quite apprehensive and not feeling like it was going to do a whole lot of good but I meditated this morning and made a conscious effort all day to stay open to the experience.
In talking prior to the session, Gail shared that she had done an energy reading on me based on some of the information that I gave her. She said that I had leadership qualities and a maturity that was yet to be realized. She also said that I was destined for greatness if I was willing to accept it. This really surprised me. Destined for greatness really? Me? I think not, I said to myself. But I continued to listen. She shared a lot of things about me that were true and things that were deeply rooted and hidden from the rest of the world. Psychic your thinking, right? I don't think so but very in tune. The things she shared were not things that she could have Googled my name to find out and they were things that Mo does not know so could not have been shared in that manner either. So, I was totally intrigued at this point.
This got me to thinking about how we see ourselves. Do we each see ourselves as people who are capable of greatness? Are we willing to consider that there could be wonderful things in our future and our we willing to accept them? How does one achieve greatness? I don't have the answers but I do believe that we all have the power to do great things and be great people but we have to believe it ourselves.
I love the Black-Eyed Peas. There is nothing that I would rather listen to than this group. On the new album, there is a bonus track called Own It. It has become my new theme song. It begins with
"All my dreamers, all my believers, tomorrow leaders, this your chance. Everybody is a star; it don't matter who you are. Keep on reaching for the stars cause it ain't crazy as it seems. This is your chance to own it, this is your chance, you moment, this your chance don't blow it." (Will I. Am, 2010) I don't know about you guys but I do not want to blow it.
For the information on Reiki, meditation, yoga, and/or a great therapist see below.
Maureen "Mo" Dwyer www.innerpeacemeditationandyoga.com
Alexandra "Ola" Stasiak-Brough Imago Therapy, specializing in couples but great with individuals 404-771-1649
Gail Tibbits 770-599-0300 Certified Natural Health Professional
Tell them I sent you so maybe I can get some discounted services. This getting healthy is getting expensive.
For those of you who think I am crazy, well, I am but a good crazy. You should consider joining me.
Peace, Renea
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Sunday-the official start to a new week.
It has been a while since I updated this blog. There has been a great deal going on so I apologize to thosewayho I know follow it religiously. (HAHAHA) It struck me that Sunday is the official start to a new week. I am so thankful in many ways that a new week has begun. The last few months have brought about significant change in my life. A great deal of change that has been good but also extremely painful. Change is never easy even if it is for the best. So I was contemplating in my meditation time today about new beginnings. This past week has brought about much joy and excitement and it has brought significant pain and sadness. Through it all, I can honestly say that I am grateful for each and every moment.
Friday, I was chatting with my co-teacher, who has turned out to be a dear friend, and in walks our principal, Dr. Nancy Cook. She is a dear sweet woman who is always so encouraging and positive but she is never the less our boss. We were working on a seperated at birth presentation we are putting together for our kids 5th period. The kids were working in groups on CRCT review. Dr. Cook approached me and asked how I felt about the upcoming test and we chatted briefly about this. She then looked at me and said, "I am so proud of you and how well you have handled making this change in what has to be a most difficult time in your life. You have handled it with such poise and grace." Well, I of course, was shocked. When she left, I began to realize how wonderful it was to hear those six words, I am so proud of you. I was moved to tears and still am when I think about it. To add to this, I was recognized by one of my students, as her favorite teacher. She wrote a letter and submitted it to the Barnes and Noble contest. I am truly honored that a student thinks that highly of me. She even committed on how much she loves my nails. I was motivated to go today and have my nails done again. I had quit going for a while deciding it was just not a necessary expense. And lastly to add to the joy of this past week, my therapist, Ola, who I have come to admire, respect and love dearly, came to B & N just to read the letter written about me. I was truly grateful and honored that she took the time out of her day to attend purely to support me.
Now, there is a down side to the past week. I have come to realize that when we love people we have to let them go. I had high hopes of continuing a friendship with one that I do love dearly but it appears as though at this time anyway, my friend is not ready to resume our relationship. I am deeply saddened and will miss her so very much but I have faith that things happen for a reason and I believe that it will turn out as it should for us both.
How many tears I have shed this weekend. Tears of joy and sorrow and I am truly grateful for everyone.
Friday, I was chatting with my co-teacher, who has turned out to be a dear friend, and in walks our principal, Dr. Nancy Cook. She is a dear sweet woman who is always so encouraging and positive but she is never the less our boss. We were working on a seperated at birth presentation we are putting together for our kids 5th period. The kids were working in groups on CRCT review. Dr. Cook approached me and asked how I felt about the upcoming test and we chatted briefly about this. She then looked at me and said, "I am so proud of you and how well you have handled making this change in what has to be a most difficult time in your life. You have handled it with such poise and grace." Well, I of course, was shocked. When she left, I began to realize how wonderful it was to hear those six words, I am so proud of you. I was moved to tears and still am when I think about it. To add to this, I was recognized by one of my students, as her favorite teacher. She wrote a letter and submitted it to the Barnes and Noble contest. I am truly honored that a student thinks that highly of me. She even committed on how much she loves my nails. I was motivated to go today and have my nails done again. I had quit going for a while deciding it was just not a necessary expense. And lastly to add to the joy of this past week, my therapist, Ola, who I have come to admire, respect and love dearly, came to B & N just to read the letter written about me. I was truly grateful and honored that she took the time out of her day to attend purely to support me.
Now, there is a down side to the past week. I have come to realize that when we love people we have to let them go. I had high hopes of continuing a friendship with one that I do love dearly but it appears as though at this time anyway, my friend is not ready to resume our relationship. I am deeply saddened and will miss her so very much but I have faith that things happen for a reason and I believe that it will turn out as it should for us both.
How many tears I have shed this weekend. Tears of joy and sorrow and I am truly grateful for everyone.
Friday, April 8, 2011
Spring Break
Well, it has been quite the Spring Break. I hate to see it end. We took a road trip with the Tutterow clan to Sevierville, TN. Julie and I told the kids that we took a wrong turn and were in Texas to which Chloe asks," What ville are we going to?" I answered Sevierville not thinking that she was pay attention but she was. Quickly she realized that we were not in Texas and we were finally there. It was a lot of fun but boy am I tired. Not only did we visit TN's indoor waterpark but we also went to Wonder Works which Abby keeps calling Dollywood. We played Lazer Tag and Mama took no prisoners. Yes, that is correct, I won not only for our little foursome but the entire group of 15 playing that round. Do not mess with me and a lazer gun..
We came back on Thursday and we picked up the newest addition to our family. He is a huge Mancoon kitty named Behr. He is absolutely beautiful and so sweet. I know the last thing I needed was something else to feed but he drinks water from the faucet like Woody used to do. For those of you who do not know Woody, he was my cat. He died about three years ago and if he had live another month he would have been 21. He was my dearest friend in the world. He had been with me through more than anybody in this world. I miss him so much. So when Leslie at work told me Behr likes to sleep in the sink and drink out of the faucet and loved to snuggle, I could not say NO. To be such a manly cat, he has the sweetest little meow. I am so looking forward to hanging with Behr.
On a more serious note, I am furious with, I hope soon to be exhusband. I won't bore you with the details but he is just being vindictive and spiteful which is interesting because he is the one who asked for the divorce. What is there to be vindictive about? he got what he asked for. Well, I guess that is not fair to say, he got rid of me but he still has to take care of kids in the form of child support. Apparently, that was not part of the plan. Oh well, this too shall pass at least I don't have to live with the meaness anymore.
So overall, Spring Break has been a blast. We will cap off the week with a soccer game tomorrow, dinner with Granny Ann, and I am going to buy some honey from the Edwards on Sunday at Ashley Park. I cannot wait to see Jeanie and Jerry. It has been too long.
We came back on Thursday and we picked up the newest addition to our family. He is a huge Mancoon kitty named Behr. He is absolutely beautiful and so sweet. I know the last thing I needed was something else to feed but he drinks water from the faucet like Woody used to do. For those of you who do not know Woody, he was my cat. He died about three years ago and if he had live another month he would have been 21. He was my dearest friend in the world. He had been with me through more than anybody in this world. I miss him so much. So when Leslie at work told me Behr likes to sleep in the sink and drink out of the faucet and loved to snuggle, I could not say NO. To be such a manly cat, he has the sweetest little meow. I am so looking forward to hanging with Behr.
On a more serious note, I am furious with, I hope soon to be exhusband. I won't bore you with the details but he is just being vindictive and spiteful which is interesting because he is the one who asked for the divorce. What is there to be vindictive about? he got what he asked for. Well, I guess that is not fair to say, he got rid of me but he still has to take care of kids in the form of child support. Apparently, that was not part of the plan. Oh well, this too shall pass at least I don't have to live with the meaness anymore.
So overall, Spring Break has been a blast. We will cap off the week with a soccer game tomorrow, dinner with Granny Ann, and I am going to buy some honey from the Edwards on Sunday at Ashley Park. I cannot wait to see Jeanie and Jerry. It has been too long.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Better Late than never
March 30, 2011
So as I titled this blog my thought was that it had been a long time since I had posted anything but as I typed the title something else came to mind. I have been working very hard lately on overcoming my co-dependency with a new therapist, Ola. I really like her because she is very direct and while she is empathetic to what I am feeling she is not afraid to challenge me and recognizes that I do not do sympathy well. Anyway, this week we talked a lot about how I function cerebrally and not so well emotionally and she was pleased to see that my softer side was coming out. That I was beginning to operate more maturely in the emotional realm hence the title better late than never. While I wish that I had matured emotionally long ago, it is better to be a late bloomer than to never bloom at all.
I am pretty sure that I have completely lost my mind today.....I registered for three of the six classes that I need to complete before I can begin writing my dissertation and earn a doctorate in teaching and learning. I know it is crazy, what with being a single mother of 4 kids but if I want to get paid for it by the state of Ga. then it is now or never. For some reason the phrase "I think I can, I think I can" comes to mind.
While I am on the subject of me, I must toot my own horn just a little bit. Recently, I took the GRE and did well on it though my score was 10 points under what GSU wanted on the Verbal section but 1.5 points over on a 6 point scale on the writing portion and 20 over in Math, Yeh, go figure, who would have ever thought that Math was a strength for me. Certainly no one who knows me very well. So, I mistakenly thought that GSU would grant me an interview. They did not. They did however, grant an interview to at least one other candidate who did not score as well as I did on the GRE. My old self would have been devastated and felt stupid and unworthy. My new self, thought, the Universe is trying to teach me a lesson here. Hmm....could that lesson be that acceptance into this program does not in any way define my intelligence? Then my new self thought, hmm....would it not make a lot more sense to complete my degree at Liberty in half of the time and at half of the cost of beginning again at GSU? Why, yes, new self that makes a lot more sense. Now, many of you will not be impressed with the realization that the new self had but those who know me well will know what a gigantic step in the mature emotionally direction that one was.
Final thoughts: Meditation is not as ridiculous as I once thought, Yoga is worth the time and effort, and there are only two more school days until Spring Break begins. Oh, and just in case you are reading this hoping for something profound....wait for it......here it comes.....nope, not gonna happen tonight. I have nothing profound to offer. You will have to check back later and see if I can come up with something profound to share.
So as I titled this blog my thought was that it had been a long time since I had posted anything but as I typed the title something else came to mind. I have been working very hard lately on overcoming my co-dependency with a new therapist, Ola. I really like her because she is very direct and while she is empathetic to what I am feeling she is not afraid to challenge me and recognizes that I do not do sympathy well. Anyway, this week we talked a lot about how I function cerebrally and not so well emotionally and she was pleased to see that my softer side was coming out. That I was beginning to operate more maturely in the emotional realm hence the title better late than never. While I wish that I had matured emotionally long ago, it is better to be a late bloomer than to never bloom at all.
I am pretty sure that I have completely lost my mind today.....I registered for three of the six classes that I need to complete before I can begin writing my dissertation and earn a doctorate in teaching and learning. I know it is crazy, what with being a single mother of 4 kids but if I want to get paid for it by the state of Ga. then it is now or never. For some reason the phrase "I think I can, I think I can" comes to mind.
While I am on the subject of me, I must toot my own horn just a little bit. Recently, I took the GRE and did well on it though my score was 10 points under what GSU wanted on the Verbal section but 1.5 points over on a 6 point scale on the writing portion and 20 over in Math, Yeh, go figure, who would have ever thought that Math was a strength for me. Certainly no one who knows me very well. So, I mistakenly thought that GSU would grant me an interview. They did not. They did however, grant an interview to at least one other candidate who did not score as well as I did on the GRE. My old self would have been devastated and felt stupid and unworthy. My new self, thought, the Universe is trying to teach me a lesson here. Hmm....could that lesson be that acceptance into this program does not in any way define my intelligence? Then my new self thought, hmm....would it not make a lot more sense to complete my degree at Liberty in half of the time and at half of the cost of beginning again at GSU? Why, yes, new self that makes a lot more sense. Now, many of you will not be impressed with the realization that the new self had but those who know me well will know what a gigantic step in the mature emotionally direction that one was.
Final thoughts: Meditation is not as ridiculous as I once thought, Yoga is worth the time and effort, and there are only two more school days until Spring Break begins. Oh, and just in case you are reading this hoping for something profound....wait for it......here it comes.....nope, not gonna happen tonight. I have nothing profound to offer. You will have to check back later and see if I can come up with something profound to share.
Friday, March 25, 2011
TGIF
Friday is finally here....this week has been a long one. Stomach virus for Mom, which at 40 feels like you are knocking at death's door. I spent Wednesday night on my yoga mat in my bathroom floor. It was not pretty. But thanks to my son who is learning to drive, he drove me to the store and went in for Gatorade, soda cracker, bananas, apple sauce and Ginger Ale. He is so sweet. The little ones were worried about Mommy but smart enough not to offer for than air kisses. I raised them well.
Soccer practice tonight for Chloe was fun. She is coming along so nicely. She really listens to the coach and tries to do what he tells her but she is a little like her mother....clumsy but she is aggressive and not afraid so with some practice she is gonna kick butt.
Noah is spending the night with his Mimi. He loves Granny Ann so much.
We are piled in my bed watching a Zack and Cody movie.
Tomorrow we are going to get ready for Jackson's installation at the Demolay lodge in PTC. He is so excited and I am so proud of him. I will have pictures to post tomorrow night. His speech is amazing. I cannot wait to hear him give it. I just wish my Dad was here to see this. He would have really enjoyed it. Maybe Shawn can come in his place.
Soccer practice tonight for Chloe was fun. She is coming along so nicely. She really listens to the coach and tries to do what he tells her but she is a little like her mother....clumsy but she is aggressive and not afraid so with some practice she is gonna kick butt.
Noah is spending the night with his Mimi. He loves Granny Ann so much.
We are piled in my bed watching a Zack and Cody movie.
Tomorrow we are going to get ready for Jackson's installation at the Demolay lodge in PTC. He is so excited and I am so proud of him. I will have pictures to post tomorrow night. His speech is amazing. I cannot wait to hear him give it. I just wish my Dad was here to see this. He would have really enjoyed it. Maybe Shawn can come in his place.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Hump Day
Ah, it is Wednesday and we are heading downhill into the weekend. This morning I had a momentary loss of brainwaves and forgot to give Noah his medicine. Yes, I shout out to his teacher. I am so sorry. So needless to say getting home this afternoon and entering to hear his lovely voice at 110+ decibels as he ran through kitchen to the dining room and through living room to come back through the kitchen again was a nice surprise. He is the sweetest thing but without his medicine he is like a mexican jumping bean with the volume all the way turnded up. Poor little Chloe has only recently learned to ride her bike without the training wheels and fell last Tuesday and had a major case of road rash on her elbow. It is healing nicely and scabbed over. Tonight, she is riding along and somehow she falls and now has an even nicer case of road rash on her knee and the top of her foot. Let me just say that while she is absolutely adorable and smart as a whip she definitely has a flair for the dramatics. She is limping and crying and went to be with her leg propped up on two pillows. And I cannot leave out little Abby.....she shared with me today that Grandma Susie helped the kids in her class throw a surprise party for her teachers Ms. Pam and Ms. Paige. I asked Abby what the party was for and she replied,"I don't know, I just jumped up and yelled surprise." It makes me wonder if the intent was really to throw a party or if Abby just wanted to say surprise. I have only briefly laid eyes on Jackson today since he has indoor drumline practice after school on Tuesday and Wednesday until 8. Tomorrow will be our night though as the little guys will go to see their Dad. Last time we shopped for orange things and ate mexican. Not sure what we will do. I may take him to a Yoga class. I know he will love that!
Monday, March 21, 2011
Dancing with the Stars
March 21, 2011
Today, was a Monday, although there is a lot for this family to be thankful for. OK, well maybe just for me to be happy about. I have always said "what goes around comes around" and sometimes you are there to see it, well, today i got to see it in the form of a tax bill to my ex for $2500. Yes, that is right $2500. Now, so you don't get the wrong idea.....let me say that throughout these divorce proceedings, which by the way, I did not ask for, I have been fair and polite. I have had no desire to destroy the ex financially or otherwise. So, it is nice to see a little bit of justice served and to know that I had not part of it so that I can sleep well at night.
Now, that being said, let me also say that I am so thankful that Dancing with the Stars is back on. There has been so little decent TV on of late. I am so excited to have this show back on. I just wish that I could move that way.
I took the girls shopping for spring clothes tonight and I am now about $300 poorer but we got lots of cute stuff. I cannot wait to see my little fashion divas dressed tomorrow. I just hope that Miss Sassy a.k.a Abby will wear the clothes that she picked out. She has a habit of having to have certain things and then gets tired of it and won't wear it. Like skinny jeans, Granny Ann bought her tons of pairs of skinny jeans and now she has decided she wants regular jeans. Well, guess what? You don't have any.
Jackson and put together the coolest shoe cabinet last night and today. I hope this will mean that the kids will actually put their shoes in the cabinet. Noah is off to a good start. I am hoping that this is not just a new thing phase. We shall see.
We only have 9 school days left until Spring Break. The kids and I are going to Wilderness in the Smokies for three days. It is an indoor water park. It should be ton of fun. My dear friend Julie is coming along with her two boys so needless to say my kids are ecstatic. Noah because her Jackson is one of his best buddies and Abby because Warren is one of her boyfriends and in her class. Yes, my 5 year old has two boyfriends and I the grown up have none. Don't even have a good prospect at this point. Maybe Abby needs to give me some dating pointers. Warren and Kurt, the other boyfriend, just love Abby to death. Kurt brought her a rode for Valentines Day and said "Abby, will you accept this rose?" Yeh, that is exactly what I thought too.
So for tonight, I am signing off to go and watch my dancing show.
Today, was a Monday, although there is a lot for this family to be thankful for. OK, well maybe just for me to be happy about. I have always said "what goes around comes around" and sometimes you are there to see it, well, today i got to see it in the form of a tax bill to my ex for $2500. Yes, that is right $2500. Now, so you don't get the wrong idea.....let me say that throughout these divorce proceedings, which by the way, I did not ask for, I have been fair and polite. I have had no desire to destroy the ex financially or otherwise. So, it is nice to see a little bit of justice served and to know that I had not part of it so that I can sleep well at night.
Now, that being said, let me also say that I am so thankful that Dancing with the Stars is back on. There has been so little decent TV on of late. I am so excited to have this show back on. I just wish that I could move that way.
I took the girls shopping for spring clothes tonight and I am now about $300 poorer but we got lots of cute stuff. I cannot wait to see my little fashion divas dressed tomorrow. I just hope that Miss Sassy a.k.a Abby will wear the clothes that she picked out. She has a habit of having to have certain things and then gets tired of it and won't wear it. Like skinny jeans, Granny Ann bought her tons of pairs of skinny jeans and now she has decided she wants regular jeans. Well, guess what? You don't have any.
Jackson and put together the coolest shoe cabinet last night and today. I hope this will mean that the kids will actually put their shoes in the cabinet. Noah is off to a good start. I am hoping that this is not just a new thing phase. We shall see.
We only have 9 school days left until Spring Break. The kids and I are going to Wilderness in the Smokies for three days. It is an indoor water park. It should be ton of fun. My dear friend Julie is coming along with her two boys so needless to say my kids are ecstatic. Noah because her Jackson is one of his best buddies and Abby because Warren is one of her boyfriends and in her class. Yes, my 5 year old has two boyfriends and I the grown up have none. Don't even have a good prospect at this point. Maybe Abby needs to give me some dating pointers. Warren and Kurt, the other boyfriend, just love Abby to death. Kurt brought her a rode for Valentines Day and said "Abby, will you accept this rose?" Yeh, that is exactly what I thought too.
So for tonight, I am signing off to go and watch my dancing show.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
A New Beginning
March 20, 2011
I am beginning a new life in a lot of respects so I thought that starting a blog would be a great idea. As a single of Mom of 4 wonderful children.....I needed something else to do because I am not busy enough. Let me introduce you to my children.
Jackson, 15, smart as can be but no common sense. He is a caring and compassionate young man and incidently will be installed as the Master Counselor of the PTC DeMolay. In case you are not aware of what that is, it is the man in charge. He is so proud and has worked so hard to achieve this goal.
Noah, 8 is the sweetest little boy you will ever know. He has the biggest blue eyes and he loves to give hugs and kisses. He is fascinated with all things Science and of course video games are a favorite as well.
Chloe, 7, is the thinker in the family. Her brain is always working. She is playing soccer for the first time and she runs up and down that field with the biggest smile on her face. She is the cutest thing. She is very intelligent as well.
Then there is the baby, Abby,5. She is all attitude. She loves her Mommy and carries these old pajama pants of mine with her everywhere. She calls it Me Mommy. She is very bright but quiet outside the house. She takes it all in though.
And, there is me. Renea, 40 and single again. Terrible at relationships but working on it. Recently, I have developed an insane interest in Bubbhism and meditation. My life right now is all about change and purging of bad energy. So, stay tuned for all sorts of interesting posts. You never know what you will read.
I am beginning a new life in a lot of respects so I thought that starting a blog would be a great idea. As a single of Mom of 4 wonderful children.....I needed something else to do because I am not busy enough. Let me introduce you to my children.
Jackson, 15, smart as can be but no common sense. He is a caring and compassionate young man and incidently will be installed as the Master Counselor of the PTC DeMolay. In case you are not aware of what that is, it is the man in charge. He is so proud and has worked so hard to achieve this goal.
Noah, 8 is the sweetest little boy you will ever know. He has the biggest blue eyes and he loves to give hugs and kisses. He is fascinated with all things Science and of course video games are a favorite as well.
Chloe, 7, is the thinker in the family. Her brain is always working. She is playing soccer for the first time and she runs up and down that field with the biggest smile on her face. She is the cutest thing. She is very intelligent as well.
Then there is the baby, Abby,5. She is all attitude. She loves her Mommy and carries these old pajama pants of mine with her everywhere. She calls it Me Mommy. She is very bright but quiet outside the house. She takes it all in though.
And, there is me. Renea, 40 and single again. Terrible at relationships but working on it. Recently, I have developed an insane interest in Bubbhism and meditation. My life right now is all about change and purging of bad energy. So, stay tuned for all sorts of interesting posts. You never know what you will read.
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