This past week I received some feedback from my blog that suggested that I share information that is too personal. I have thought a lot about that this week and have come to the conclusion that I am going to continue to share personal information. If you are reading this and find that this is a problem for you then I respectfully ask that you stop reading it. I will not divulge information about others actions, thoughts, feelings, etc. without their permission first. This blog is all about me and how I feel. My journey in life has been one with a lot of pain, heartache, and adversity. This is not unusual. We have all experienced these things. What I hope to accomplish in myself is an openness and acceptance of my past, present and future.
People with terminal illnesses create Caringbridge websites and get support and encourgagement from people they have never met before as well as friends and family. This is not only acceptable but it is encouraged. When we think about emotional health, we are not encourgaged to share, in fact if anything there is a certain amount of shame in admitting heartache and the need for some help dealing with emotions. Kind of like the idea that men shouldn't cry. I am guilty of this belief especially when it comes to football. But, what I am finding is that we have to be proud of who we are. And who we are includes the heartache, pain, mistakes, joy, happiness, loss, grief, fear, and shame that we have experienced in our lives.
I am not good at healthy relationships. I am working so very hard to change that and break the cycle so that my kids will not have to carry that burden and for myself so that I can find that Til Death Do Us Part love that I really want. I am not going to be ashamed of the hurt I feel and I will continue to share it. The responses that I have gotten from some of my blogs have given me the strength to carry on just for one more day. And the responses that I have gotten from people who are encouraged by my words makes the pain I experience purposeful and it makes it make a little sense.
I have had the great honor and privilege to be supportive and encouraging to two friends who are struggling in their respective relationships right now. One is an old friend and the other a new, but in both cases I have been able to do, say, and be what they both needed as a result of my own life experiences. I found that I took a certain amount of pride in that and decided that I would no longer hide behind the shame and pain.
At the end of the day, we are all humans who wish to love and to be loved. We are not nearly as different as we like to think. So, for those of you who think this is too much.... I again say with the upmost respect, please stop reading my blog. To those who simply cannot believe that I would share such personal information.... stop being surprised. I have shared the loss of relationships, a parent, dreams, and I have shared daily struggles on this blog. It is all deeply personal and sharing it helps me to make sense out things and it encourgages others.
No comments:
Post a Comment