What's Love Got To Do With it?

We all know the song by Tina Turner "What's Love Got To Do With it?"  I think she calls it a second hand emotion.  That song has been playing in my head all evening.  If you noticed my status change on Facebook then you know that it has changed.  I know doubt hurt Jeff by posting that but I needed the accountability.  I ended our relationship today, this morning actually, not the best timing in hindsight but I was afraid I would lose my nerve. There is no doubt in my mind that we love each other but that fact is simply not enough.  Not enough for me, that is.  I should be clear on that.  This was my choice and it was a choice that hurt someone that I love very much. I still hold on tight to the dream of til death do us part and as much as we do love each other we are just at totally different places in our lives. 
It's funny that sports analogies have gone through mind all day.  As a matter of fact that is how I broke it to him..."I'm calling it a ballgame."  Yeh, not my best line but when my Daddy died and spoke at his funeral I spoke about learning everything I needed to know about life on the ballfield.  So, in keeping with that train of thought, I feel like my life is the bottom of the ninth inning, two outs, and a full count, 3 balls and 2 strikes.....I don't have any more second chances in terms of relationships.  That is my perception of course so this last swing I have to make count.  I have and will continue to work hard on myself and conquering my demons.   These last 7 months have taught me so much but it has been a roller coaster ride.  So, I had to step out of the batters box today. 
It was the best decision for me at this time but boy does it hurt like hell right now.  I do know that this feeling will pass eventually but feeling lonely in a relationship is a pain does not go away.  Not only does it not go away, it destroys you in the process.  It destroys your self esteem, motivation, and it blows out the light in you like blowing out a candle.  Ola, therapist extraordinaire, will say that this pain is a gift.  It is a gift, but like I have said before it is like the Energizer Bunny, it just keeps giving and giving and giving.  I really do hate that damn bunny.  But I also believe that if I keep going on the path that I am on right now I will eventually get what I want but more importantly I will get what I need. 
So, all the single ladies.........I'm back out there with ya and I am proud of myself for making this decision.